


Public Indecency

by coraxes



Series: Author's Favorites [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fakeout Makeout, M/M, canon-compliant to episode 66, mentions of vaxleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraxes/pseuds/coraxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He could see the light of the guard’s torches just around the corner.  Well, thought Vax, nothing for it.  At least he was already on top of the big guy.  He banished his wings, muttered, 'Just go with it,' and kissed Grog square on the mouth."</p><p>Or, a break-in does not go quite as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Public Indecency

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T EVEN KNOW, Y'ALL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

It was supposed to be a simple break-in, exactly the kind of thing Vax did best.  As in, best _on his own._ His backup stepped on the fourth creaky floorboard of the evening, and Vax grimaced.

 

“Can you _try_ to keep it down?” he hissed. 

 

“You’re the one who keeps talkin’ to me,” Grog whispered back.  Only his version of a whisper could probably be heard three blocks over. 

 

 _Why_ the rest of Vox Machina had insisted Vax needed backup, he had no idea.  They couldn’t afford to be caught breaking into this merchant’s shop just when they’d earned J’mon Sa Ord’s goodwill, and Vax was the sneakiest man for the job.  Sure, his track record with going solo wasn’t that great, and the merchant was known to have some _very_ well-equipped guards, but Vax could handle those.  Most likely. 

 

At least their target, the merchant’s desk, was near.  “Stay here,” Vax whispered, guiding Grog to a shadowy alcove just out of the door’s line of sight, “and fuck up anyone else who comes through that door.”

 

“Got it,” said Grog.  He pulled out his warhammer, grinning at the anticipation of violence.

 

Vax slipped over to the desk and set to jimmying the locks open.  The first few drawers were trapped, but Vax disarmed them easily and found nothing of note.  Finally he uncovered what he was looking for: a small blue ledger.  Vax grabbed it, pulled it toward him—

 

A pulse of red shone from a sigil carved into the wood where the ledger had lain, and an alarm sounded.

 

“ _Shit,_ ” said Vax.

 

“Oh, finally,” said Grog, and raised his warhammer with a dark chuckle.

 

“No, not now,” Vax said, glancing around the room.  There was only one door, through which he could hear booted feet, but they couldn’t slaughter their way out of here.  He didn’t want to be seen if he could help it _._ Vax stuffed the ledger into his pack.  And—ah, there.  “Come on, buddy, out the window.”

 

“ _What_?”  They were on the second story; it was at least a ten-foot drop.  At least the window itself was nice and big. 

 

Vax forced the pane open and summoned his wings.  If he was on his own he could just _fly_ out, but _nooo._ Turning to Grog, he smirked.  “Scared of a little jump, big guy?”

 

“Fuck that,” Grog said, and jumped.

 

Vax followed him out and kept pace with Grog as they wound down Marquet’s twisted streets, even though he _knew_ he could go faster.  Guards’ boots thundered on the cobblestones behind them.  Vax could hear them yelling to one another.  Just when they turned one corner and he thought they’d lost the guards, he’d hear another squad begin close in.  The chase went on long enough that Vax’s wings ached and Grog’s breaths were coming in uneven pants.

 

And then they hit a fucking wall.

 

There was nowhere to go; the guards were closing in.  Vax could hide or fly away, but his so-called backup—ball and chain, more like—couldn’t. 

 

“Pick me up,” Grog hissed.

 

“I can’t carry—”

 

“Got any other ideas?!” 

 

Vax didn’t, so he wrapped his arms around Grog’s chest and flapped his wings once.  They got maybe six inches off the ground before Vax felt like his wings were going to fall off, and they both collapsed into a pile on the alleyway.  Grog swore as he banged his head on the cobblestones.

 

He could see the light of the guard’s torches just around the corner.  Well, thought Vax, nothing for it.  At least he was already on top of the big guy.  He banished his wings, muttered, “Just go with it,” and kissed Grog square on the mouth.

 

“Wha,” Grog tried to say, but then Vax grabbed one of Grog’s hands and moved it to his ass.  He seemed to get the memo.

 

It’d been a while since he’d kissed anyone but Keyleth; he’d forgotten what it felt like when the other person had a beard, scratchy but sort of sexy.  Grog wasn’t bad, either.  The whole thing was awkward, but apparently his confidence around women wasn’t just all talk; he kissed like he knew what he was doing.

 

Grog was also apparently very handsy.  Vax was ninety percent certain that he’d have two hand-shaped bruises on his ass the next morning.

 

The guards thundered around the corner.  Vax let it go on for a few seconds, and then pulled away from Grog with a wet _pop._ Simon the snake belt, he noticed, had come undone at some point. 

 

“Do you mind?” he hissed.

 

The lead guard was staring at them, none too impressed.  “Did you see anyone who looked like a criminal running this way?” she asked.

 

“We’ve been a little busy,” said Grog.  Vax patted his bare chest in appreciation.  He’d worried that Grog wouldn’t know to play along with this, but apparently he got fake-kissing just fine.

 

Though there was nothing fake about the thing he could feel poking his thigh, but—well.  They’d deal with that later. 

 

The guard hesitated, looking between the both of them, before she accepted the scene as it was.  “Well—keep that kind of thing at home,” she said gruffly.  “Don’t know how you foreigners do it, but here in Marquet I could charge you for public indecency.”

 

“We’re not _indecent,_ ” said Vax, trying for Percy’s haughtily-offended tone. 

 

“Not _yet,_ ” said the guard, rolling her eyes.  Then she waved to her squad.  “C’mon, men, we’ve some burglars to catch.”

 

Vax watched them go, the tension leaking out of his form, and tried to ignore the way his libido was making itself known.  Dammit, he was getting _laid_ on a regular basis now, this should _not_ be a turn-on.  “Thank the gods,” he said, and settled back on his haunches.

 

Grog made a whimpering sound, and Vax remembered what exactly he was settling on.  He stared at Grog.  Grog stared back.

 

“Can you get the fuck off me?” Grog snapped finally, and answered his own question by shoving Vax off of him, standing up, and turning away to adjust his trousers. 

 

More discreetly, Vax did the same.  “Thanks for playing along,” he said, and cleared his throat when his voice cracked.  His face felt raw—dammit, he’d forgotten about beard burn, too.

 

“Yeah, well, Scanlan yelled at me the first time I fucked it up,” said Grog.  Vax choked.  Completely ignorant of the images now in his companion’s head, Grog continued, “Anyway, I won’t tell Keyleth if you don’t.”

 

Vax thought about his definite beard-burn and probable ass bruises.  “Sure thing, Grog.  It’s a deal.”


End file.
